Want more time? Just say NO!

Do you ever feel overwhelmed and frustrated because you have so much to do in so little time?  Are you just too drained to clear the clutter in your home or office?  Do you feel that you are no longer in control of your life?  Many of us have experienced those feelings at one time or another.  We’re living in an age of too much stuff, too many options, and too little time.  But if you are experiencing these feelings on a regular basis, and if it’s affecting the quality of your life, it may be that you are a Type E personality.

Imagine yourself as a car full of gas.  Your boss asks you to work late, and even though you had other plans, you give some of your time and your fuel gauge goes down a notch.  You get home exhausted and your child asks you for yet another drive to the movies, so you give him a ride and your fuel gauge goes down some more.  Your significant other wants you to invite the in-laws over for dinner tomorrow, so you reluctantly give them a call and then cook them a gourmet meal.  Your tank is now empty. You’ve given and given until you have nothing left.  You’re drained and, as we know, a car cannot run when it’s on empty. If you can relate to this, you may be a Type E personality.  The Type E personality tries to be Everything to Everyone by saying yes to everyone’s requests.  Always nurturing, they like to please others by doing what’s asked of them all the time. Oprah affectionately calls it ‘the disease to please’ and it really can lead to disease.

Like the light that comes on in our cars when the gas is low, our body gives warning signs when we’re running on empty.  We might experience irritability, sleep problems, poor concentration, headaches and constant fatigue.  It can lead to chronic overload and stress related illness like anxiety, depression, lower back pain, stomach problems, reduced immune function, etc.  If we don’t refuel, our immune system suffers and we increase our chance of developing serious illness.  In this unhealthy state, every aspect of our live is affected.  Our productivity and effectiveness drops. Our organizational systems break down.  Our relationships suffer.  Just like a car without gas, we won’t get very far in our lives when our energy is leaking.  However, we can take a more proactive approach by finding ways to replenish our supply and prevent running dry.

The best way to keep our pitcher full is to become a little selfish.  It’s okay, really.  Many people feel that ‘selfish’ is a negative word, but it has a positive side too.  When we are on a plane with our children and the flight attendants demonstrate what to do in an emergency, they direct us to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first, then our children.  In order to meet the demands put upon us as parents, spouses, employees and entrepreneurs, we have to put ourselves first.  Only then can we be fully available to others without feelings of resentment or anger.  In other words, if we consistently try to make others happy at the expense of our own health and happiness, everyone loses in the end.   If you really have trouble with the word ‘selfish’, then just call it ‘self-care’.

There are countless ways to take care of ourselves, and self-care begins with these two strategies: learning to say ‘no’ to others and learning to say ‘yes’ to ourselves.  What are some of the situations and ways you’ve said ‘no’ and how did it make you feel?