Relationship Rehab: How to Make Meaningful Connections
When I ask my coaching clients what would make them happier, they often say they yearn for deeper, more meaningful relationships.
We are a society of shallow interactions:
“How are you?”
“I’m fine.”
I don’t know about you, but I’m so over that.
What would it take to elevate our relationships beyond the surface level?
I believe it starts with allowing ourselves to be more vulnerable. Of course, this can feel uncomfortable, because we’re not used to it. But if we can find the courage to get outside our comfort zone, we’ll be rewarded with deeper bonds to the people we love.
Take Action
As an experiment, list the 3 people you spend the most time with and think of 2-3 personality traits you like about each of them. Then, look for opportunities to tell them. For example, when you catch your spouse doing something thoughtful, say ‘I love how you’re so considerate’. When your best friend listens to your latest rant, say ‘one of the things I love about you is you’re a great listener’. When your kids give you a hug, tell them ‘it’s amazing how warm-hearted you are. (These are just examples. You’ll want to use your own words and give compliments that are authentic).
They will love to hear this. I mean, who doesn’t feel appreciated when they are recognized for the person they are? It’s a real boost and can make our spirit soar.
What I like about you.
For a friend’s birthday recently, I asked guests to write in her card the one thing they liked most about her. I wish I could bottle the emotion I saw in her face as she read that birthday card.
As much as we all want to be heard, we want to be seen even more. We all love to receive compliments about who we are because it makes us feel so good about ourselves.
Be generous with your praise.
Although this process may feel awkward at first, especially if you are not used to doing it, once you get past the initial discomfort, it will make you feel really good. Not only will it make someone’s day, it could be something they’ll remember forever. One simple compliment can inspire someone to success. I’ll never forget my grade 10 teacher, Mrs. Steinick, who said to me, ‘Hellen, you are capable of achieving great things’. I wish I could find her to thank her, because my adolescent self really needed to hear that compliment.
If you could be complimented for one of your personality traits, which one would make you feel really good?
Hi Hellen
Great article, as always 🙂
Love the appreciation in the moment idea. So often I text my nieces and nephews or whoever randomly but this is a great idea for spouses and people in our everyday sphere
Question:
I find whenever I am vulnerable with people some how it seems to invite unsolicited opinions (which feel invasive or confrontational), even to the most minute and mundane of conversation.
Do you have an effective solution you have found for this? Or suggestions to offer?
Hi Sylvia, thanks for your comment. I’m happy to hear you are practising this with your family. Regarding your question, I’m no Dr. Phil, but two things come to mind. First, opinions are just that, someone’s opinion based on their perception, not based on what’s true. If you know your truth, that’s what really matters. Secondly, you may choose to protect yourself by not being completely vulnerable around toxic people. Just my opinion.
Thanks Helen!
If everyone sincerely complimented others, what a fantastic world this would be.
Wonderful post. Many thanks!
Hi Hellen,
One of the things that makes you special is that you respond to your fans. You sent me a thank-you card years ago that I still cherish.
I don’t remember what I did or said to receive that card, but I’ll never forget how astonished and grateful I was that you took the time to answer me personally.
Lorraine